


It's Beginning

by bladesummonerv



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Steve Rogers has delusions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27986703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladesummonerv/pseuds/bladesummonerv
Summary: Steve can't stand Christmas lights.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

"Sir, I believe Steve is having a panic attack." JARVIS mumbles to Tony while he's doing something stupidly boring with a bunch of ugly suits and Pepper.

"Family emergency, I got to go." Tony stands, and Pepper lets him, because maybe JARVIS told her too. That's good, that means Tony didn't do anything wrong and was about to pull a clutch boyfriend move, leaving work to do something. 

What's he going to do. Don't tell them to calm down. That's it. 

JARVIS leads him into the men's room in the lobby.

"Hello?"

"Fuck!" Steve startled.

"Heard som--JARVIS said you're having a panic attack."

"Was, yeah. It's silly."

"Probably isn't. Breathe." 

"No." Classic Steve. He still needed to sob or make some noise, and was trying not to.

"Come out and tell me." Tony goes out and gets distracted on Twitter for maybe too long.

"Steve." Tony calls from the drinking fountain.

"I'm just mad at myself." Steve calls back.

"Sure." Tony murmurs. You can't yell that without it sounding sarcastic, so he goes back in and leans on the side of a sink. "Come on, we're all a little panic-attack-y around here."

"Remember the first year I was out and I said 'Christmas is coming too early this year, it's November!' And everyone thought that was really great and poingant coming out of a Catholic old guy who loves Christmas?"

"Uh, yeah." 

"Well, I don't like Christmas lights." Aw! What's the--Jesus no they haven't put anything up in the lobby yet--what's the optics of--garland! SI can just put up tinsel. "Well anyways, there's this thing called Advent, it's not however long you want it, it's 4 weeks."

"Okay, I'm sure God will smite everyone buying Rudolph masks." Tony says. "Lights?"

"Mm-hm." Steve got a breath in after that. It's working.

"Seems like, more like a trigger than a dislike."

"No."

"Okay, I'll stop asking. Is it out of sight out of mind? A seize the supply chain for all of New York thing? Or just a, uh." That was Tony's only plan. Of course it won't take back all the lights there already is. But, considering lights just stop working all the time for no reason and need to be replaced, AND it's not Black Friday yet, it will probably do a lot to keep lights out of Steve's face.

"Oh my God Tony." Steve mutters.

Ooh, I think it _is_ an invisible-hand thing. "Well, what's the problem with them? Everyone likes little lights." Tony shuts up before he starts listing off things that are great about them, because probably one of those things is the thing that drives Steve crazy, and all the other stuff, I dunno, probably makes him sad.

"Nothing. I'm just mad. It. I've been through this. I want it to stop effing bothering me." Effing.

"What's wrong with them, though. You know, everything I make glows blue. I could probably do white or rainbow. To your specs." If Tony were afraid of lights? Well, it would be because of how small they are.

They have comically big lights, but what ab--back in the day, were they all candle shaped, and now they're tubular? Or have lights always been the same. LED is new! Is this a man out of time thing? "Not trying to force you to face your fears or something, just trying to, ugh, nevermind I'm not listening I'm talking."

"No, go 'head and talk."

"Hey well, you got me out of a meeting, want to get pizza or something? We could watch The Firm. Or anything else." Tony says. "On VC if you want." Watching TV together over the phone, just like in the 90's.

Steve comes out and Tony steps away from the sink. His eyes are so red and puffy. Sometimes it seems like the accelerated healing of the serum brings out the worst in Steve. Bruises on him will turn a sick purple before the team's eyes, he'll try to walk with his ribcage showing. Normal people don't even remember where they get bruises, sometimes Steve forgets how dumb he looks when he has a black eye and pretends he hadn't noticed. "Was it important?"

Pfft, fuck no it wasn't. "Nothing's more important than you."

"Oh, jeez." Now Steve's face is getting to be an even shade of red, he's so goofy and modest.

"Come on. Philly cheese steak pizza."

"Yeah." 

"Might as well order a mozerella stick."

"With steak."

"With steak. I be they do that, bacon wrapped mozerella stick."

They go up to Tony's, and they just end up cuddling with the Old Guard again. It's just that it's good. Steve spends some time in the beginning rubbing on Tony's shoulder like a cat. The credits go, and Steve grabs Tony's hand and interlocks their fingers, and Steve touches Tony's cheek with the back of his hand.

"Insider trading." Bucky accuses over his Chex Mix.

"I promise. JARVIS can sell it for you, you don't have to lift a finger."

"I don't get it. Like, you're not actually buying them, so why would the stock go up anymore than usual." Sam says.

"Who says I'm not? It's not insider trading if you have to do all the work to corner the market. They owe me. Stocks. Now granted." Tony says, spreading his fingers, and not saying anymore. Yes. He has all the lights. No, he doesn't need to scalp them, he's too rich for that, he would sell them for a normal price. He WOULD sell them in California--despite the taxes. It's not like Steve ever asked him to do this, it might surprise him to know Tony is the Grinch of the Village. It might disturb him to know that Tony wants to sell them. He did say out of sight out of mind, he never said out of existence.

"And what is it?" Sam says. "That you're buying up?"

"Plastic."

"Plastic." Sam says.

"Are you trying to say sex toys?" Bucky demands. "I'm just asking." He defends himself when they yell at him.

"It's Christmas shit, alright? I am the Grinch. I have--I have good reasons." Tony has to talk over them at the end, yelling again.

"What are your good reasons?" Natasha says.

"Well, I'm not telling you guys. I'm just offering. Fuck it, I'll buy the stocks for you. Merry Christmas."

"Oh, Christmas lights." Bucky mutters. God dammit. "Christmas lights."

"What. How do you know?" Natasha says.

"Christmas lights? Tony?" Sam accuses.

"Is this how you do it?" Bucky says. Aw jeez. "You're kidding. You're joking, you di--you don't buy all--all the lights in New York. Stark! Just get places a couple hours early. It's the holidays, just get places early."

"I'm not gonna? Purposefully plan a day around him having a panic attack. I just wouldn't plan that day. Home, with marshmallows and hot chocolate. And Amazon Prime. Curtains drawn. I'll put an ice rink in the gym. I will put an ice rink in the gym." Tony decides.

"What?"

"That's not a panic attack, that's a hysterics attack. You're just impatient, you have to be patient. You have to just let him go through whatever that goes through his head to feel okay, he gets a handle on it and then it's just..." Bucky says.

"Okay, I don't think you can say the H word anymore." Tony says.

"Oh, Steve." Sam says.

"He..." Tony says. 

"Those fancy Christmas lights just annoying the living shit out of him." Bucky says.


	2. Peppermint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's about cup-a-noodles, goop, and battle plans.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there would be 2 chapters so that people wouldn't be worried about getting answers, at least about the lights, since explaining delusions makes them sound kind of silly and I wanted to let Steve have a little seriousness even though this is kind of funny. This chapter is another Christmas, but less Christmasy because I got writer's block, it's between the 2 time periods in the first chapter, it has the winter soldier in it. Tony is mild about Bucky, calls him sweetie and a freak. Thanks for the patience.

"Why does everything always have to be your way." Tony's complaining to Steve while Happy pulls the car in.

"Because I'm really stubborn, of course." Steve says, and Tony smiles at him.

"I feel bad for going off on that guy." He admits. Okay, so there was this fucking--oh it doesn't matter. It wasn't that bad.

"I would have, too."

"No you wouldn't have." Tony sighs, cheating to get the last word by unbuckling. He startles because the winter soldier is there at the door. Steve does too and skips or scoots out with one foot. They meet at the taillight at Tony belatedly grabs Steve's hand.

The winter soldier grimaces at them and says, "Report."

"Uh, what." Tony says.

"How was your trip." He hates talking normally. He is a freak.

"Went fine." Steve tells him, echoing a little.

"Boy, you love doorways don't you." Tony said.

The soldier scooted back on his heels. I swear to god he's just fucking with them half the time. And I guess that would be funny, except it's not because Steve is taking it seriously, frowning a lot. He's not _supposed_ to demand reports and say other stupid things. Not when he's in the garage with unwashed hair wearing fleece snowflake pants.

"You would have been back earlier if I was there."

"Cool." Tony said, shooing him and taking over the door-holding for Steve and Happy.

Steve taps his peppermint milkshake against Bucky's chest like he's making a toast.

"What. What is that."

"It's pink goop." Steve admits.

"He's been _chewing_ it." Tony says, and the soldier grimaces again.

"It's like peppermint bark." Steve says, all defensive of it. " _Here._ "

"Give it to Bucky. You're--"

"Hi." Bucky says.

"Hi sweetie--you're so bad at letting me buy you shit."

"Oh." Steve says, curling around his milkshake like it's a fabrege egg.

"You're _both_ mad. You didn't have a plan. There were people there." The soldier presses.

"There were people there, Steve."

"I'm not mad. At either of you. We oughtta bring Bucky sometime."

"I don't think so." Tony says. God _dammit_ , it's the winter soldier.

...

"Let's begin." The winter soldier says, about to literally make a battle plan for the mall.

"This is a bad idea." Tony mutters, holding a smoldering iron in his mouth like a rose, and for a moment he just stops listening to Steve. He can't help it. They're in here. He's ready to drag Steve around like a ball and chain if he is going to be clingy.

"I like _this_ one." Steve said. Tony's working and smouldering, he's really only giving them one ears.

"I have him for that." Steve said, pointing at Tony with his own hand. "He has me for that. Back off my man." Tony says, and Bucky makes a funny noise.

"It's Christmas, I could just go on my own." Steve said, threatening to take away the galleria from Bucky who gets silent for a moment, and Tony forgets to listen again.

..

Tony was making a cup-a-noodle while Steve ate cold hot wings over the sink. In this house, we forget to eat.

"Is the [Christmas] tree okay."

"The tree is perfect." Steve says happily, and adds, "You don't have to worry about me."

"I know."

"I d--what does that say?"

"The lid?"

"The bottom."

"Which." On the bottom is instructions for opening it, 2.25 oz, and...

"The warning."

"Caution, product is hot. Please handle with care especially when serving children." Tony reads off charismatically. Steve does this all the time, it's not, like, a power trip or something. Tony used to think Steve was just a kind of weird asshole, until he caught Steve trying to take a picture of a bottle of dish soap with one hand, he looked silly, like he was too frustrated to take a step back. It hadn't scanned to Tony immediately, though. He's a weird asshole, but not just to be shitty for laughs. It gives Tony a chance to do fun voices, and some times that catches Steve and makes him laugh. "Good?"

"Thanks. Remember that guy in France who took a train to the pub and ended up in Disneyland."

"Yeah." Tony smiles, mostly because Steve is, he still thinks that's funny I guess. Tony's hot water clicks and he pours it.

..

"Everyone can't all be out at the same store." Tony is grumbling the next day, leaning on Steve in the town car.

"Are you still Christmas shopping?" Bruce says.

"Well there's only 370-something days until NEXT Christmas." Tony says, and Bruce smiles. "So, what do you want?"

"Hmmm. An N.E.S."

"We can get lunch, could probably call something in right now and get it." Steve suggests.

"Relax." Tony says. Steve likes to go far away for shopping. If they weren't signing up to chit chat on the way up, they wouldn't have signed up.

"They have a Subway." The winter soldier explains.

"Oh, we could probably get Fredricci's." Steve says.

"I'd rather be here than sardined in a subway, Vin Diesel." Tony says, just for fun.

"No." The winter soldier says.

"We're not getting food after?" Bruce suggests.

"Yeah, that's good too." Steve says.


End file.
